


An Easter Basket Case

by enchantment



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enchantment/pseuds/enchantment
Summary: It’s a hare-raising time for Anya when Giles decides to have an Easter sale at The Magic Box.





	An Easter Basket Case

Author’s Notes:   My family and I were discussing Easter and all of a sudden I imagined Anya having to deal with the Easter Bunny and her rabbit phobia.  It really made me smile. :)

 

Disclaimer:  I do not own anything in relation to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Warner Bros.

 

 

 

“Happy Easter!” greets Buffy as she hands out Easter eggs to the children after they’ve finished mauling Xander in his giant Easter Bunny suit. 

Surveying the holiday themed store with all its brightly colored springtime decorations and tiny Easter baskets littered for the children to drop all their confectionery plunder gave Anya a feeling of uneasiness.  And not the good kind when she and Xander were trying out new roleplay games in the bedroom, the kind of that she used to inspire in her victims when she was a demon.  She hated Easter, ever since it was first introduced in 1682 back in Germany.  It didn’t help that everyone was trying to help her through this difficult time with their stupid jokes. 

“ _Who knows, Anya,” teased Willow, “you may have a whole new attitude about the Easter Bunny after tomorrow’s sale.  After all, you’re bound to run into him since your ring has carrots.”_

She, of course, immediately ripped off her ring at the very possibility of that basket bearing monster coming near her.  _Poor Xander,_ it took him over an hour to find her ring after she threw it out into the dark.  “Celebrating bunnies and their hideous spawning disguised in the form of a chocolate egg,” she grumbles miserably.  “That’s insideous.”

Anya glares furiously at Giles and demands to know, “How could you do this?  _Why_ would you do this?  Did you need money?  Was it a pact with a demon?”  She picks up a spellbook from behind the counter and waves it in his face.  “There’s a perfectly good summoning chant right here for a demon who will work with you!  Why couldn’t you just sell your soul like everybody else?”

Giles heaves a sigh as she slams the book down on the counter and turns away from him.  “Because it seems these days that demons require a soul in its entirety, unlike mine which you’ve managed to chip away at day after day,” he mutters under his breath before quickly gathering his composure for an approaching customer.  “Good morning, Happy Easter!  How may I assist you?”

Anya moves over to Willow in hopes of garnering support for her argument.  “Not to mention it’s a made-up holiday.  The actual holiday is Ostara, the Spring Equinox, a _Wiccan_ holiday, I might add,” looking pointedly at Willow.  “Isn’t that offensive to you?  Remember how pissed you were at Thanksgiving?”

“Well, yeah…,” she fidgets uncomfortably under Anya’s firm gaze, “but I can’t help it!  The kids in their little bunny costumes, the yummy candy and a chance to hang out with my Peeps!”  She holds up two marshmallow candies shaped like baby chicks and makes them dance in front of Anya’s disgusted gaze.

“Ugh! You’re no help!” she denounces as she throws her hands up in the air.

“I wasn’t trying to be,” mutters Willow while she slowly starts picking bits off of the two Peeps and nibbles away at her treats.

“Who’s not helping?” asks Xander as he and Buffy join the others.  “It can’t be me because I am literally working my tail off,” he gives a quick shake of his cotton-tailed covered butt, “while earning an **_extremely_** minimum wage.”  Giles merely returns the taunt with a dismissive glance as Xander leans casually against the counter.  “That’s right, us hard-working Joes really know how to _hop to it_!”

Anya whirls on her fiancé and reprimands, “I don’t care for that type of language, Xander!”

“What’s wrong, honey?”  He places his paws on her shoulders and winces when she flinches away.  “The holiday dragging you down?”

“Yes, straight down to the Hellmouth!”  She gives him a once-over with sheer horror in her eyes.  “And **_you!_** ”  She points at him accusingly.  “How could you dress up like that knowing how I feel about bunnies?”

He sighs in frustration when she narrows her eyes in warning as he takes a cautious step towards her.  “I’m doing this so I can take you to those nice expensive restaurants that you like so much.  Remember those?”  He waves a hand to indicate himself from top to bottom.  “This pays for that.  Or would you rather ear at the Double Meat Palace?”

“I don’t care!” she shrieks in response.  “Anything would be better than this!”  She turns back to Willow and Buffy.  “Do you know how traumatizing it was to wake up to that grotesque… ** _thing_** leaning over me this morning for a kiss?”  She glances at Xander.  “You repulse me.”

He offers a curt nod in acceptance.  “I love you too, sweetie.”

Buffy’s lips twitch in amusement.  “Maybe we should call Elmer Fudd.  He hunts wabbits.”

Anya’s gaze immediately shoots to the Slayer, her voice laced with concern.  “What are those?  Some relation to that holiday Hellion?”

Buffy shakes her head in the negative.  “No, they’re rabbits, Anya.  Elmer Fudd hunts _rabbits._ ”

“Like a demon hunter?” she questions excitedly.  “Is he a powerful warlock?  Tell him that we have whatever he needs here!”

Buffy’s expression is half resignation, half pity.  “You’re not a big Warner Brothers fan are you?  Sorry, but he can’t help you with your problem.”

“Why not?” beseeches Anya.  “I’ll pay him!  What his preference?  Money, magic artifacts…how about pleasures of the flesh?  Willow can sleep with him…or her!  She’s good either way!”

“Hey!” Willow’s outcry draws everyone’s attention to her offended person.  “Even if that were true, I would not sleep with Elmer Fudd!”  She drew her head up in a regal manner.  “I have standards.”

Buffy stares off into space as she contemplates, “I don’t know, I always thought that he was kind of cute.”

“Really?” Xander’s gaze bounces between the two women in disbelief.  “That’s the stand that you two are taking on this?”

The couple that Giles just rang up hurriedly heads to the exit while trying to avoid eye contact with the odd trio.  “Thank you for your patronage!” he calls out behind them as the closing door sets off the jingling of the bell.  His mouth twists in a wry grimace as he stares at the closed door in defeat.  “I suppose it’s useless asking them to come again.”

Without warning, a small pink streak flashes past the Scooby gang to wrap herself around Xander’s leg with a squeal of delight.  “I love you, Easter Bunny!”  Ignoring the gagging sound that Anya is making behind him, Xander returns the little girl’s hug before passing her some candy and colored eggs from Buffy’s Easter basket.

Anya releases an exasperated growl while she watches the child skip back to her parents.  “That does it, I can’t take it anymore!  It is one thing to see children afflicted with small pox or the plague, but it is quite another to stand by and watch as they worship this false deity.  It’s…it’s…it’s just too much!”  She grabs her purse from under the counter and rushes towards the front door.  “I’ll come back tomorrow when this nightmare is over.”  The bell over the front door clangs from the mild slam.

 

The remaining Scoobies simply stare in the wake of Anya’s panic until Willow broaches, “Did anyone happen to mention to her that the Sunnydale Easter Parade is today?”

They only hear a few strains of “Here Comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail,” before Anya’s scream pierces the air.

Xander’s bunny head flops down with a sad tilt of his head.  “I think she’s figured it out.”

 

**The End**


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